Domestic Abuse… Why Does She (or He) Stay ? (Once More, A Bit Personal…)

*Notice: I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I want to approach these posts regarding domestic abuse, and I think I will be writing a bit differently when posting them. The facts are still very much raw wounds to me, and the wounds are deepened daily. I am not in danger myself anymore, but the person I love is. However, I refuse to leave until she comes with me. So to conclude…I will write a bit different anytime I speak of domestic abuse… It has forever been, in one way or another, an on going issue. Soon, I hope that changes.*

                     Now on to the post!

Two things I hate hearing when speaking of domestic abuse… “If he is so horrible why does she* stay? He seems like a nice guy to me, he wouldn’t hurt a fly!“  Or, the even worse, “He may lose his temper or have lost his temper with her, but she hasn’t left him, so he couldn’t be THAT bad of a guy.”

Come to think of it, there are quiet a few things I hate hearing regarding abuse; most of them said by people who have never lived in an abusive household or relationship.

Back to the topic of this post… Why does she stay? …

I can’t speak for everyone, only speak from what I know, have seen and from research. So first I want to say… just like with having a loved one fall into addiction, I know it is beyond depressing and frustrating to watch a loved one stay in an abusive relationship. No matter what “kind” of abuse; be it emotional/mental/verbal abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse or physical abuse…it is almost harder on the loved ones who have to see it happening than to the victim, because there is really nothing much for the “watchers” to do.

After so many years of seeing abuse,

Refusing to Allow the Abuser the Ability to Steal My Voice!

This song is perfect for how I feel tonight, I do believe. I wrote this on my other site which is even more new than this site…so I thought I would repost it here… Just in case anyone thinks I am a blogger who only blogs when they want… I blog daily… But a big issue came up and I was focused on it… When suddenly, I realized the wounds here are very raw. But after writing it, I have made my mind up: the abuser will not take my voice or my writing away from me. So I do expect to have posts up tonight regarding domestic violence. For now, and for those interested, I’ll post a semi personal post up…and hope it sheds a bit of light as to why I struggled so. If you read, thank you!

I am passionate about many topics and regarding most of them I have been impacted in one way or another personally by the cause I support. I’ve seen horrible things done by police, I’ve seen how the system doesn’t care or work for the people, I’ve had a hard personal life… But I can still write on all topics with anger and passion… Except, apparently, one. That one is domestic abuse and violence. I have in the past written on these topics but I had removed myself from the home I had grown up in and though I was in an abusive relationship myself at the time, I could still write with furious passion about it. Now that I have moved back and am living next door to my parents, I have frozen up when it comes to writing about abuse. Why? Because the 40+ years of severe abuse she has lived, is still going, only stronger than ever…and I feel like a child again. A helpless child. I am trying to help her get out, but if I can’t help my own mother, how can I expect my writings to help anyone? Obviously, I am not doing something right. I’ve been trying for 20 some odd years now, since I was a little kid, to help my mom. She took me in when my birth parents bailed, many, many times…and not once did she have to. She did her best and she is my reason for breathing…but I am lacking money to help. I suppose writing about abuse makes the reality I am living in -yet again; just as I did all of my life-, hurt even more as I can write all day but it is not saving her.