Recently I lost one of my dearest friends and one of two people I call family; my Aunt Bobbie. I lost her to cancer. When it happened, I posted this on my personal site, but I feel the need to share it here. The reason? I feel cheated. The doctors had told her a miracle had occurred; there as no sign of cancer anywhere in her body, despite the fact that months prior, her body had been covered with so many tumors the doctors stopped counting. When she went back the last time because she was feeling ill, the doctors once more assured her she had no signs of cancer…
Not only did this give my precious Aunt hope, it gave her family, including myself of course, hope. I stupidly stopped bracing myself for her passing away so early. The last text messages sent between us only a few days prior her passing [she is in Florida] are us discussing the next time she’d be visiting and all she wanted to do.
To have the doctor walk back in and say he was wrong; he found the tumors again, and they were so large she probably wasn’t going to make it even a year, was devastating. She didn’t make it through the next 48 hours. It all happened so fast.
To have your hopes lifted like that, only to have them shattered because they made a ‘mistake’ for whatever reason is absolutely soul shattering. I know they are only human but this hospital was the best cancer hospital in Florida, it is supposed to have the ‘best’ cancer treatment and doctors available… How could they lift our spirits and give false hope?
Perhaps this sounds stupid and trivial; childish, even. Perhaps it is. All I know is I truly believe before giving cancer victims and their family hope doctors should take extra care to make sure they are right. That seems to be so basic; so full of common sense. But apparently, it’s not. Yes, my heart aches and maybe I shouldn’t be upset that this false hope was given…This false hope which would quickly shatter and cave in onto of me without warning. But I am upset over it. Today she’s on my mind and heart, so, whether or not I’m ‘justified’ in my grief, I still am going to repost what I wrote.
In her memory. For the family, friends and loved ones of cancer patients who have gone through the same thing. To never forget.
(Starts below video)
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
My Aunt Bobbie’s Battle with Terminal Cancer
I am going to write a little bit about my Aunt Bobbie and the kind of person she was for memories sake, with respect but also because this world needs more people like her. These words aren’t good enough to give her proper justice, perhaps one day I’ll return and re-write it when my heads on straight. Until then, this is the kind of woman my Aunt Bobbie was….
I don’t have much family but those whom I do consider family I love with all of my heart. My Aunt Bobbie is one of those people. She never judged, always accepted, and was the only one to ever reach out to me in a kind way when things were bad at home or when I was going through a hard time.
I was by far the only person she treated this way. She never let anyone feel they were out of place or like they didn’t belong. She was a strong, determined woman, teaching me many things, my favorite being, women are not second to men. It was her souls warmth that made her feel like she was an old, familiar friend to people she’d never met.
She would stand for what was just and what was right and sweet as she was, she always had quick wits when someone attacked her. She had her share of hardships in life, but still, somehow she remained smiling. No one could ever bring her down, she believed in women’s rights and equality, she knew her facts and she was passionate. She also planned on helping me save my mom from abuse by them getting a home together. She was selfless, loving and accepting but also strong enough to tell you when she disagreed or saw a flaw in ones plan. She made it her job to make sure everyone was happy or at least knew she was there if they needed her. I wish I would have taken her up on that more, now. I could have called for any reason but talking on the phone always has been hard for me. I regret not sucking it up and making more calls now. Text messages are great because we can save them… I just wish I could have heard her voice once more.
Just a few moments ago, I logged into my email and saw someone new had signed her guestbook so I went to look at her page again. Maybe it’s because it’s 5 in the morning and everyone else is sleeping, or maybe it’s reality creeping up on me, either way when I saw her photo my heart stopped for a moment; it took my breath away. Quickly I closed out hoping to forget the truth of the situation. But now that I’ve had that moment, I don’t believe there is any more hiding.
I feel startled and numb, she’s gone? Those words catch my breath in my chest. She lived a life of giving, of loving, of sharing, of teaching like no other I know. And somehow she managed to smile, even when she was in pain or sad. I want to be like her; I think this world needs more strong souls like her. I miss her more than I can allow myself to say.
To all those that battle cancer, please never give up, no matter what stage you are in… And I hope those whom watch over and take care of cancer patients do so with love and with knowing.