First, this is a personal post. Don’t wanna know, don’t read. I am writing this mainly for women who hear what I was told today and actually wonder if it is true. That is, abortion means you are _________. As I say in the rant below, abortion doesn’t make you anything bad. If anything, it makes you stronger. It shows your intelligence in knowing what is right for you and your life.
Before I begin, apologies for the lack of posting and tweeting recently. I am working on getting my art site completed and up, as well as a few others. I’ll be linking soon 😀 People may not notice my absence but still, if anyone does, I do apologize but there’s a reason which is I’ve been busy dealing with some other aspects of life. ******* Again, post from my personal experience today. Don’t wanna read it, then…don’t. If you do, thank you and I mean it when I say, if you need someone, I am here.
Today, though, I had a very disappointing experience. I have a doctor I see regularly when I stay in Texas…it is very rare for me to find a doctor I actually like, but he has always seemed to be an intelligent, thoughtful and kind older man. Respectful, seemed to really care for his patients, etc.
There are too few people like that in this world, especially in my life. He lost his title today, too.
When I told him about abortion, his entire demeanor changed. He then said something along the lines of, because I am no longer extremely emotional over it (my abortion was not too long ago), I must be numbing myself to abortion, continuing on to imply that I was becoming a heartless killer. He, of course, did not say it in those words but it was clear what he thought.
I do not have to defend myself, emotions and such… but I will
Abortion is a choice that can be extremely emotional, or very simple because it is the right thing to do. For me, it was a mixture of both. It is okay and doesn’t make you evil if you feel relief and go about it as any other medical procedure. That is okay – don’t let them make you doubt yourself.
On the same note, it is OKAY and it is NORMAL to feel sadness after an abortion; this doesn’t mean that you are doing an evil thing, the wrong thing, or that you are crazy for grieving.
In this world, I am learning more and more, you must learn to love and trust yourself and not care what anyone thinks for you cannot please everyone- ever. And why would anyone want to? Please yourself and don’t hurt others intentionally. Do the best you can, make the best choice you can based on your heart and mind, and you’ll be fine. Screw what others think.
But, as I was saying; do not feel crazy for grieving. I remember when I was at the worst of my grief, I thought I was insane for grieving over a choice I made. I wasn’t crazy and it isn’t a crazy emotion. It is normal to grieve just as it is normal NOT to grieve; it all depends on the circumstance and the woman… There is not a right or wrong way to feel. Not to mention, you have hormones going wild inside of you!
I have not grown numb to abortion because I do not see it as killing…because it is not killing.
I obviously don’t have abortions for fun, they are not pleasant things which I enjoy, but it is a service I support FULLY and feel very strongly about because it was LIFE SAVING for me.
To think of all the women who could the opportunity to save themselves taken away, or to think there are women out there who want/need an abortion but are too concerned about what the world would think, or believe they are “sinning” and thus do not do it; truly, truly makes my heart break because I remember oh so well how HORRIBLE I felt.
Actually, I have a video I recently found on my iPhone from when I was debating whether to have the procedure or not. I didn’t want to let my now husband down but my mental health was declining…fast. I am considering watching it for the first time tonight, and possibly posting it. Posting it in hopes of showing a raw view of what it is like to be in that position.
I would also like to note the video was not made to ever be shown. It was made as a part of a suicide series. It’s simply me documenting how I felt. I was out of the country and couldn’t use their health care system nor afford to pay on my own, so an abortion was thousands of miles away.
I’ve never watched the video, and because of my late term abortion I had when I got to America I am still here. However, if the video offers anything, I will make sure it goes up. ANYHOW moving on.
Society needs to move on and get out from under this religious insanity! I understand people have their beliefs, as I have mine, and I respect that. I have friends who are Christian and that’s all well and good…we can be friends because they do not speak to me about their religion, they do not force their beliefs at me, and *they accept me and my beliefs!*
No higher being is going to punish you for making a medical choice. Those who you think will think less of you, if they do… trust me when I say, you don’t need them in your life. If it’s your parents, friends, family,…they may be upset, they may disagree…but if they truly love you they will accept your choice and let it go. If not I am the kind of person who would let them go or not tell them.
I suppose the purpose of this little rant is thanks to my former doctor, I was reminded of the struggle with emotions and how Christians and anti-choicers make it seem like abortion is the most traumatizing experience which causes all kinds of mental issues for women! Or, they try to say the woman is evil, a killer, emotionless and is someone who does not have the right to grieve.
Both of those things are bull sh*t!
Abortion does NOT cause you to have mental issues.
Abortion does NOT mean you are evil or crazy.
Abortion does NOT mean you are emotionless and a killer.
Abortion does NOT mean you are a slut.
Abortion does NOT mean you are a bad person nor is it a killer. If you take the antibiotics and go through professional services, the chance of anything happening is microscopic. Not to mention, the risk of death giving birth is high and getting higher in some places, such as New York (research it).
Abortion is NOT a sin, no matter what you believe in.
Abortion is NOT selfish. You are making a medical choice that is best for you, be it for mental health reasons, physical reasons, or that you are just not ready. Or, maybe, you don’t want children at all. It does NOT matter. The reason(s) are yours, and whatever the reasons are, they are NOT bad, wrong, selfish, heartless or any other insane thing anti-choicers want you to think.
Will you regret having an abortion? Hell if I know. But if you are considering having an abortion but are worried about regretting it, the only thing I can tell you is this: I do not regret mine at all.
Why? Because I put my entire heart into the choice, all of my love…but also, my brain. I gave it a lot of thought and was RATIONAL and LOGICAL about what would be best… and then I did what was right, with no regrets. In fact, I felt relief. So much relief.
If you do that, then I see no reason why you would regret it. As one final point, there is nothing wrong with you if you find out you are pregnant and automatically know an abortion is the only answer. If you don’t grieve over it, there is nothing wrong with that, either.
I hope I have made my point clear… Whether you cry or not, whether you think about it all of the time or whether you leave the clinic with a smile knowing that you have your future to continue building and are free again, either way is the right way to respond. There is no EVIL response. And I don’t believe there is regret in most women, maybe in women whom are forced to have them? But in the majority of women I feel confident in saying…regrets are few.
No matter which way you feel, I say again…if you need someone to talk to, please feel free to contact me… Twitter, my email (I rarely check the one I have listed here…, I need to change that- but yeah), IM me on yahoo (all can be found on my about.me page)- I will just listen, or I can talk, either way. You don’t have to be alone. In sadness or anger. If you simply need to scream and curse because you are frustrated with those who do not understand yet judge as they protest outside of the clinic…contact me. Whatever it is, I’ll always do my best to help or be there for anyone who needs it. I am not special but I truly do care for those who deserve to be cared for.
With that… I’m off. Sorry for the personal rant, I am in the process of making a personal rant page lol, also, I’ll be posting up new links to my new sites and portfolio and such soon. So keep hanging in there, I’m not abandoning the page; just getting new things off the ground , so to speak 🙂
20 thoughts on “ABORTION is NOT EVIL, Nor “Wrong” & There’s No Wrong Way to Feel During or After”
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Oh my…. Thank you so much for such a beautiful comment; not just regarding the donations but your words have inspired me so much. It is amazing what a bit of kindness and care from others can do to the soul of another… I can’t thank you enough for the belief and support you gave me with just your words and thought(s)… Thank you also for spreading my blog!!! That is highly appreciated….
You inspired me to make a video, and to go ahead and put that donation link up. I don’t expect anything; I just wanted you to know you have inspired me more than words can say, and thank you is not good enough…
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Howdy! This article could not be written any better! Going through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept preaching about this. I am going to forward this article to him. Pretty sure he’s going to have a very good read. Many thanks for sharing!
You made a brave, strong choice, and I just want to say how much I appreciate the courage you’ve shown in posting this and being a support to other women who are facing the same choice. Yesterday I had a rant at an antiabortionist, and today I was wondering what kinds of support groups there were for women who had had an abortion, which is how I came across your site. As you can see from my rant (I posted as CCat at http://www.betcheslovethis.com/article/think-Pregnant-freaking-out) I’m coming at this topic from the opposite angle – a woman who cannot get pregnant – but I am deeply grateful that abortion is now legal and safe, and would fight passionately any attempt to take away this option. For a life which is fulfilled it is vital a woman have control of her fertility.
Thanks for posting this. I also believe abortions are not evil and an article like this is needed. I hope this goes viral, so many people need to see this.
Thank you so much … Your words mean more than I can ever say… ❤ I hope you are doing well when you find this, and feel free to contact me anytime… Many blessings to you and thank you again for your kindness ❤
Thank you so much. I’m 7 weeks pregnant and financially I’m not able to take care of another kid. I have a 10 year old who in love very much. I don’t want to bring another child in this world to struggle. I’m going for my abortion in another week. Thank you for your post.
Aw thank you so much for your kind comment ❤ May you and yours be blessed, and please never, ever let these anti's make you think you are anything less than a strong, intelligent woman. Thanks again for your comment, I hope all is well for you 🙂 ❤
and a ps; never think adoption would have been better. both mothers and kids are forever broken by it. yes, that’s just my opinion but i’ve lived it; and i know women whom gave birth that are broken hearted now. i know it’s not the same for all; but please, never let people try to make you feel guilty for doing the right thing.
blessings to you. ❤
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