I know there are plenty of reasons women stay in abusive relationships (and I know the same for men in these relationships- I refer to women for this is a personal post to me, but abuse on men is just as wrong and detrimental). I know there is nothing I can do or say that will make someone open their eyes and see what is on the other side of life, that after you get through the terrifying “what if” and “is it me” “am I crazy” “what about money and the children” or “what about our safety?” and the countless other responses that are legitimate in the hearts of those saying it. They also may be legitimate concerns all around; but at the end of the day we have to take a risk or it is clear what will change…and that’s nothing.
I have watched the woman who raised be abused by her husband of over 40 years all of my life and to this day. I have seen the court system basically laugh in my face after he admitted to the crime in court to an older male judge who obviously had the same point of view as the offender, letting him off with a small fiscal fine. Even his lawyer was surprised. The prosecution never got to speak, the judge simply came in, gave the ruling and walked out. I had been expecting them to call me in to read my statement. But no one cares what the crazy female has to say against the cruelty being inflicted -still- upon another woman. So, my voice wasn’t heard, justice doesn’t prevail and while people who smoked a couple of joints are in our prisons and on probation rotting away, this person is out free, along with too many other undeserving “free” people.
But back on track. I am directing this post towards any woman in abusive situations. I doubt my words mean anything, but I hope somehow, something I say will make some bit of difference. Maybe.
We can talk all day about the damage done to the child who watched it all, to you, the direct victim, or both. I guess this post won’t be as long as I thought it would be. I guess what I really want to say is the following, and hope at least one woman out there hears me.
No one deserves abuse. I was in an abusive relationship for many years myself, I thought it was all me too, and I admit, I still wonder at times. But I left, and it wasn’t as hard as it would be for some women to leave- I was in an easier situation even than that of the woman who raised me. But I have seen a lot more than I care to recall, and I have survived more than I feel I am due.
As hard as it is for me to say it, I know I didn’t deserve the abuse. Most of the time I know that, anyway. Some days it still haunts me. I know for a fact you do not deserve it, nor does the woman I have spoke of above. But I also know how brainwashing abusers (both male and female) can be. Especially if you are already low on yourself. Not that only people with low self-esteem get involved in these relationships; not at all. People of all “types” find themselves here and don’t know how. Find themselves too embarrassed to ask for help when it should be the abuser who is humiliated, but they aren’t- they are proud and not bothered.
It only gets worse. If you can’t find reason in your self, find it in your children. They would much rather have their mom (or dad) safe than have to worry about them every day at school. If you have no children, remember who you are, remember the dreams you had as a child and please remember; it is never to late for them to come true. Regardless of your age, 20 or 80, you DO deserve and CAN have a better life than what you currently have.
I know that elderly abuse is ignored. I know this because the woman who raised me is not young, and it is so hard to find helpful resources for women over a certain age who are in a domestic abuse situation. But there IS help, and I have spent hours of research and reading and studying the law trying to help. Soon, I will have it all posted up on here, I hope. Until then, research, reach out…and realize all the material things you can have again, and even if you couldn’t have them again, they are not worth your respect, your safety or your sanity.
Domestic Abuse kills. Not just directly, but indirectly through bad health, including stress, diabetes, depression, high blood pressure, obesity, etc.
There is actually very little I can say, I suppose. So I’ll end this here with a plea. I plea I give the woman I speak of, a plea I give to all women and men, no matter your age.
Please leave. The sooner you go, the easier it will be. But if you have waited, that doesn’t mean you have waited too long. You can still get out, there is still hope. And if you feel you have no family or friends, please think again. Reach out to me or to others online, the internet is a place full of people in your same situation or who have been, willing to reach out and help you; not out of obligation, but out of true love and care.
I know reading books and articles helps to show us that we aren’t crazy and that other people go through the same or similar situations. If you have a kindle, iPad or not is not relevant as this site allows downloads to read on your PC as well. Go to the kindle store on amazon.com and search the kindle store for abuse e-books which can be delivered straight to your computer or tablet pc or even iPhone. If you have questions on how to do this, all you need do is contact amazon support or contact me, and I will help you set it up the best I can. I think the best bit of obvious advice here is to make sure not to leave the e-book on your main screen if you are still with or around the abuser.
I will make a list of all the books I’ve read, both bought and free, and post them on here ASAP.
If you read this post, thank you. I am sorry I have nothing more to offer and even more sorry if the content was not… enough. It seems to be missing so much. All I know is it is killing me to watch all of the things that I’ve seen all of my life, killing her still…slowly but surely. I hope one day to be of help, but I am not rich. One day I will save her, I hope. I hope to also help others… Maybe one day the entire story I will share, until then…if you are in a similar place… please reach out to someone; anyone, even me. I am not the best but I do truly care.
You are never too far gone or too old to get out or to start living your life. You are never to old to find peace of mind. You are never to old to escape the treatment you are getting and do not deserve.
It’s hard, but anyone can get away…