This song is perfect for how I feel tonight, I do believe. I wrote this on my other site which is even more new than this site…so I thought I would repost it here… Just in case anyone thinks I am a blogger who only blogs when they want… I blog daily… But a big issue came up and I was focused on it… When suddenly, I realized the wounds here are very raw. But after writing it, I have made my mind up: the abuser will not take my voice or my writing away from me. So I do expect to have posts up tonight regarding domestic violence. For now, and for those interested, I’ll post a semi personal post up…and hope it sheds a bit of light as to why I struggled so. If you read, thank you!
I am passionate about many topics and regarding most of them I have been impacted in one way or another personally by the cause I support. I’ve seen horrible things done by police, I’ve seen how the system doesn’t care or work for the people, I’ve had a hard personal life… But I can still write on all topics with anger and passion… Except, apparently, one. That one is domestic abuse and violence. I have in the past written on these topics but I had removed myself from the home I had grown up in and though I was in an abusive relationship myself at the time, I could still write with furious passion about it. Now that I have moved back and am living next door to my parents, I have frozen up when it comes to writing about abuse. Why? Because the 40+ years of severe abuse she has lived, is still going, only stronger than ever…and I feel like a child again. A helpless child. I am trying to help her get out, but if I can’t help my own mother, how can I expect my writings to help anyone? Obviously, I am not doing something right. I’ve been trying for 20 some odd years now, since I was a little kid, to help my mom. She took me in when my birth parents bailed, many, many times…and not once did she have to. She did her best and she is my reason for breathing…but I am lacking money to help. I suppose writing about abuse makes the reality I am living in -yet again; just as I did all of my life-, hurt even more as I can write all day but it is not saving her.
I would like to put a donation or fundraising option on my page. Or better yet, if you have any job openings, I would be so honored to work for money. For now, I am going to step out once more, do a bit of sunset photography, come back and sit down…once again, and try to write about that which I need to write on… Domestic abuse in all forms. I would love a way to raise money via my blog, if anyone has any tips, please message me. I plan on creating a website for my photography within the next few days, maybe I can sell some prints, or, maybe someone will want to hire me (crossed fingers). I also do photo editing, just to somewhat complete the resume I apparently started writing on here.
And that is why I haven’t posted as much as I normally will/do; as much as I want, the past day or so. I am trying, but I had no idea how much more intense writing about this issue is when you are still living in the horrific environment…especially when you must see the person you adore, and have all your life, be harmed in too many ways. Being helpless, hurts.
But I will not let any abuser steal my voice. I will publish information and articles on this tonight and in the future. And if it takes me until my last breath, I will keep fighting for my mother and all the abused.